


Hermione's Secret

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-05
Updated: 2007-03-05
Packaged: 2018-10-26 16:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: When Ron and Hermione go on a Muggle vacation with their kids and Mr and Mrs Granger, their luggage is lost. What will Ron do during a shopping excursion that includes a trip into a shop full of skimpy pyjamas and sexy knickers?





	Hermione's Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

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**Hermione’s Secret**

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Ron stood outside of the store, watching the people walk by in a mad hurry. Everyone seemed to always be in a rush here, bumping into one another with mumbled apologies.

‘ _Ron_!’

With a start, Ron turned around. Hermione stood in the doorway of a Muggle store with a smirk on her face. She walked over to him, placed her arm around his waist and smiled up at him.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Muggle watching.’

‘ _Shh_!’ admonished Hermione. ‘Don’t use that word here.’

‘Are they called Muggles here?’

‘Yes, of course they are. Why wouldn’t they be?’

‘Different country. Maybe they call them something different.’

Hermione shook her head. ‘No, I don’t think so. They still speak English in the States.’

‘Dad would have a fit if he knew I was here in a Muggle shopping – what did you call it? A mall? Hey, is there a plug shop here? I bet he’d love an American plug.’

Hermione opened her mouth to respond, but closed it a moment later. She shook her head. ‘Er, I don’t think so ... Do you want to stand out here or come inside with me?’

‘I’ll come in,’ said Ron. ‘But is this the last stop? I’m so bloody sick of shopping.’

‘It’s the last stop.’

‘Are you sure? Because I’m starving.’

‘It’s the last stop,’ repeated Hermione, ‘I promise.’

‘Thank Merlin. What d’you have left to buy?’

‘Oh, pyjamas and knickers.’

Ron faltered a moment. ‘Pyjamas and – what did you say?’

XXXXXXX

Mr and Mrs Granger wanted to take their two grandchildren – Abigail and Benjamin – on a vacation they would never forget. Abigail was nine and Benjamin four, which were perfect ages to go on a Muggle vacation; Abigail was old enough to know to keep her mouth shut about her mum and dad being a witch and wizard, and Benjamin was too young for anyone to take him seriously if something about magic slipped out of his mouth. The resulting vacation was a trip to Disney World. Hermione claimed that Ron was having more fun than their children – and it had only been the first day!

Ron spent most of the trip complaining about the sheer length of a plane ride from London to New York and then marvelling that there had to be a _second_ plane to take them to Orlando.

‘My parents want to do it the _Muggle_ way. This vacation is their gift to us!’

Ron grumbled, but didn’t complain on the fly down to Florida. Instead he slept with his head on Hermione’s shoulder. He even kept his mouth shut when the airline told them that they lost all their luggage.

‘But my favourite Chudley Cannons shirt was—’ That was all Ron said because Hermione sent him a piercing look and he shut up. He didn’t mention it afterwards.

The kids, bless them, were so excited to be where it was warm in the middle of December that they wanted to go to Disney World immediately. Whenever they visited their Muggle grandparents they watched all the animated movies and trying to explain to Ron how they were made was always exasperating for Abigail and Ben (even though Ron was usually feinting just how ignorant he was about all that).

‘Let’s check into the hotel and try to make the kids sleep and then you take them to Disney World while Ron and I shop for some clothes for everyone until the airline can find out luggage.’

Ron had _not_ liked Hermione’s proposal one bit. ‘Can’t you shop by yourself? I want to go to Disney World.’ Apparently Hermione had forgotten who she married ten years ago. Ron was a big child himself so she placated him and they rode the rides with their children and Mr and Mrs Granger until the afternoon.

But now, standing in the middle of a mall, Ron wished he was still with his kids and in-laws. His kids were hilarious, always arguing and making jokes, and his in-laws were very down to earth, brilliant people. They never got annoyed when Ron asked them about Muggle things and they even offered to have the kids stay in their hotel room for the whole week so Ron and Hermione could have some privacy. _Brilliant_.

‘Come on, Ron,’ said Hermione, taking Ron’s hand and leading him into the store. ‘It’s warm here so I suppose some light pyjamas will be fine. This store is a bit expensive, but Ginny said their clothes were fantastic.’

‘When was Ginny in Florida?’

‘Not _here_ , silly. She and Harry were in Hawaii for their honeymoon and she came to the same store to buy – never mind.’

‘Came here to buy what?’

‘Never mind. Oh, look, pink. You like when I wear pink, don’t you?’

Hermione dropped Ron’s hand and went over to a rack of white t-shirts with the word _Pink_ stamped on the front. There were matching shorts in pink. Ron looked around. Nothing but pyjamas. It seemed rather boring. Why wouldn’t Hermione finish telling him what Ginny had bought?

Ron noticed that the store extended farther in the back. He passed by two displays of different patterned pyjama bottoms. A sign stood out right in front of him: 5 / $25. Ron looked at the table. Everything was arranged by colour, but it all looked like pieces of string. Who would want five bits of string for twenty-five dollars? Ron picked up one.

‘AH!’ he cried out, dropping the string and stepping backwards, bumping into another display table. ‘Ah!’

Hermione rushed over to him. ‘Ron! What is the _matter_ with you?’

‘That’s – that’s – eugh!’ Ron wiped his hand on the front of his jeans. ‘Ginny bought _those_ here?’

Hermione picked up the string. ‘They’re just knickers, Ron. I wear them. You’ve seen them. You’ve taken them off.’

‘Yeah, but I don’t want to think about my sister wearing _those_ knickers,’ said Ron in a hushed voice. ‘They’re ... y’know ... _sexy_.’

‘Are you saying my knickers aren’t sexy?’ Hermione asked, placing her hands on her hips.

‘Er ...’

‘Would you rather me wear these? With a string up my bum?’

‘Er ...’ Ron felt his face heat up.

Hermione laughed. ‘Ron, you look like a tomato. They have normal knickers as well. Come on.’

Reluctantly, Ron followed Hermione deeper into the store. She showed him the table where the knickers were that covered one’s entire bum instead of practically none of it. Hermione looked through the displays, taking a couple of pairs of pink ones to buy. Ron liked Hermione in pink underthings, mostly because pink was such a feminine colour and when Hermione looked soft and feminine it made him want to do completely inappropriate – and _hot_ – things to her.

It didn’t take long for Ron to grow bored again. He picked up a pair of those skimpy knickers. This new pair, however, had strings and ties all over the place. He turned it over, but he wasn’t sure how someone would even wear them.

‘Say, Hermione? How do these work?’

Hermione took in a deep breath but walked over to Ron. She looked at the knickers and turned a bright shade of red herself.

‘Um, your legs would go through here and here,’ she said, pointing.

‘But, I don’t understand. These must be defective. There’s a tear right where the—’

‘It’s not a tear,’ said Hermione softly. ‘They’re called _Peek-A-Boo_ knickers. Read the tag.’

Ron looked at the knickers. Peek-A-Boo? Peek-A – _oh my god_ . Images of Hermione wearing a skirt and some _Peek-A-Bo_ o knickers flashed through Ron’s head.

‘I know what you’re thinking, Ron,’ said Hermione sternly, ‘and I am not buying those.’

Ron frowned. His newest fantasy of Hermione in crotchless knickers was extinguished. He put down the knickers and walked over to the wall where several see-through thingies were hanging up. He studied them. They looked like little dresses – little being the important word – but he could see right through them. At first Ron was confused. What was the point of having a see-through dress? But, then, _ohhhh_! That _was_ the point. He felt himself grinning. Ah, he felt as though he was still a teenager instead of in his thirties.

‘Say, Hermione?’

‘Absolutely not, Ron.’

Ron groaned in frustration. Hermione was killing him. Bringing him into this _sexy_ store was just not on! What was she playing at? His eyes wandered again, this time to a bra with tassels hanging off of it. There were matching knickers with the same fringe all around.

‘Hermione—’

‘No, Ron.’

‘But—’

‘ _Ron_.’

‘You cannot bring a bloke into a store like this and not expect him to get ideas. I’ve seen you starkers almost every day for over ten years. Why not buy one of these things? It could be my Christmas present.’

‘I don’t think they have your size, Ron.’

‘I meant for _you_ to wear.’

‘How would me wearing one of these things be a Christmas present for _you_?’

Ron gave Hermione a pointed look and her cheeks turned a bit pink.

‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Right, of course. I don’t think – not today. You should probably just go outside and wait for me. I don’t think you know how to control yourself in a store like this.’

‘No, I really don’t,’ answered Ron, eyeing some ‘sleepwear.’ He almost laughed at the irony – if Hermione wore that around him they certainly wouldn’t be getting much sleep. It was devil-red and completely open in the back, only held up by several ties. It was another one of those brilliant see-through things. This was quickly becoming his new favourite store.

‘ _Ron_ – outside!’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ said Ron, making his way towards the mall entrance. He sighed as he left the store. He leaned against the doorway, several bags of clothes for the family clutched in his hands. He waited for nearly twenty minutes before Hermione emerged, a large pink sack in one hand and a thin white piece of paper in the other. Ron snatched the paper from her.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘Is that – is that a _one_ in front of that fifty?’ Ron looked at her. ‘You spent a hundred and fifty dollars in there? What on earth did you buy?’

Hermione smiled wickedly. ‘Well, since my parents have decided to let Abby and Ben stay in their room over vacation ... and the holiday is only two weeks away ... I decided to buy you an early Christmas present.’

Ron’s jaw dropped.

‘Are you still hungry?’

‘Not at all.’

‘Want to go back to the hotel?’ asked Hermione, almost shyly.

‘Oh, hell yes.’

Hermione blushed and took her husband’s hand as they walked towards the parking lot. Ron knew he had the most boyish, idiotic grin on his face. He really did have the most brilliant wife in the whole world.

XXXXXXX

End.

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End file.
